List Intimacy

I write a lot of lists in a day. My brain is like one of those popcorn makers where the popcorn is flowing out, because it is so full. The only way to organize the chaos is to make lists for the popcorns to fall onto.

This popcorn is me needing to pick up medication. That popcorn is a great idea for a movie. Those popcorns are my feelings spilling out- I just eat those.

I keep lists on my phone, but I also have an everything notebook which is just list after list of whatever is going on in my head that day. It's kinda neat how it's almost like a journal. I can see what I was up to and how I was feeling at any given time by what lists are there and the quality of the handwriting. It's all quite lovely. A slice of the life of Kiley.

I recently got into a situation where my friend asked to see my private Amazon wishlist, and after a brief hesitation, I agreed.

You don't really think about how vulnerable it feels to show people the things you need or want. But it is. It's not like I'm going to tell everyone about how I wish I had a dustpan with mustache, and that I put it on my wishlist because I could immediately hear its voice.

You think I jest, but they exist, and I did.

There are people who are more than happy to share their wishlists, simply because they want people to buy them stuff. But to me a wishlist is especially intimate.

My day to day lists tell a story about a person who has too much responsibility for too many people and no time or money. That's not uncommon. We've all been there.

My wishlist though. That's a different story. One about who I really am and the kind of life I want to live, and what's important to me. And there's something perilous about being represented by "things", because on a list like that there's no space to explain your reasoning.

Sure, the hand vacuum makes sense. But, I had to hold back the urge to explain that I wanted that dinosaur pasta utensil so I could pretend it's the T.rex in JURASSIC PARK smashing its head into the car, every time I go to plate noodles.

A good list cuts through the bullshit.

But a great list defines you and your direction.

What's on your wishlist? What does it say about who you are?